Some people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Football Mets. Hey buddy, in New York, it’s JETS FANS who do the groping, thank you very much. Your 2018 record: 4-12, featuring two three-game losing streaks and a six-game losing streak. That’s a lot of Jetsiness to pack into one season, but this franchise rarely, if ever, lets America down when it comes to being terrible in the densest possible concentrations. They got frog-stomped 41-10 by a Bills team quarterbacked by Matt Barkley, which is somehow even more humiliating than losing to Nathan Peterman. They let Fireman Ed, who will almost certainly run for …
Thanksgiving is three days away, so it’s probably (past) time to talk some college hoops. In the spirit of our NBA preview, here is our very timely and holistic 2016-17 NCAA basketball preview. Since you turds couldn’t vote me into writing about Louisiana-Monroe this time, I’ve reviewed 15 college basketball teams that will actually be good come March (once you get past 15, choosing who deserves to be in the top 25 gets pretty dicey, as it’s only Week 2.) If I missed your team here, it’s due to one of the following reasons: there are too many college teams; I am human and occasionally dumb; this list had to end at some point; your team is not good and is in fact Bad; you’ve been following a fake team. But I’ve been in a basketball hole for a bit now, so I will be more tha…
Some people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews so far right here. Your team: New York Buttfumbles Your 2012 record: 6-10. LET'S DO IT AGAIN, EVERYBODY! Your coach: Rex Ryan, who stopped enjoying this job roughly 15 months ago. The fat, swaggering, toe-licking Rex that was here at the turn of the decade has been replaced by a deflated balloon of a man, a man who lost his team ages ago and has already visibly lost his composure in postgame press conferences. It's only the third week of the preseason. This kind of complete systemic breakdown of a shitty team usually happens around November. For the Jets, it's be…
Some people are fans of the Arizona Cardinals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Arizona Cardinals. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here. 1. Kevin Kolb is a coach's son! One of my absolute favorite stock Peter King storylines is the myth of the coach's son; that growing up with your old man as your QB coach somehow makes you light years more mentally prepared to play quarterback than some poor schlub who had to get by with normal coaching and a non-asshole father. Back in 2010, King fawned over Cardinals quarterback Kevin Kolb… He looked like the coach's son that he is, like he'd been prepping for this day for a couple of decades, not a couple of years. Kolb then…
We have lost Mr. Hirshey to the four-letter crew over in Bristol, but that doesn't mean we're gonna ignore soccer around here. Heck, that Euro 2008 business starts tomorrow — go England! Oh, wait — and we've got your back. Mike Cardillo of the great That's On Point will be with you throughout the tournament, and he previews the whole shindig for you today. Good grief! What is an American sports fan to do these days? The NBA finals could be decided by a bearded Spaniard and a tatted-up Frenchman. The NHL has more unpronounceable last names than a Russian nuclear warhead disposal manual. Baseball is getting taken over by the East and the Caribbean. And let’s not even get started on the Olympics and our lack of medals in dressage and badminton. At least Big…
data-mm-id=”_z0rc3siiz”>Jay Glazer has reported that Los Angeles Rams center Brian Allen was the first NFL player to test positive for COVID-19. Glazer broke the news on Wednesday's edition of Fox Football Now after what was basically a 24-hour tease. It is good to hear that Allen is making a full recovery, but what was Jay Glazer thinking handling this "nugget" like this?Breaking news from @JayGlazer: Los Angeles Rams C Brian Allen is first NFL player to test positive for Covid-19. pic.twitter.com/pkGeD2GHJ2— FOX Sports: NFL (@NFLonFOX) April 16, 2020The public first caught wind that Glazer would be breaking news on Wednesday when he went on Fox Sports Radio and said that he was "breaking big, big news tomorrow night on Fox Football Now. I mean big, national news…
data-mm-id=”_4cfdjrrda”>Dan Le Batard and his merry Highly Quarantined gang were at it again on Friday this time trying to figure out which movies Mina Kimes has actually seen. Le Batard and Pablo Torre both failed to guess right when Kimes described the plots to The Waterboy and Baby Driver. Check this out:Welcome back to Mina at the Movies! Apologies in advance for @minakimes' Bobby Boucher impression ?? pic.twitter.com/nB0oGTzjo4— Highly Quarantined (@HQonESPN) April 10, 2020Man, I thought for sure she had seen The Waterboy because everyone has seen that movie. Plus, she did the accent and pronounced Bobby Boucher's name correctly. I think there's a little cheating here because she had watched YouTube clips. It's better when there's absolutely no knowledge…
data-mm-id=”_294jelmfm”>There's not a great reason to pitch to Aaron Judge right now outside of the fact he's protected in a deep and fearsome New York Yankees lineup. The Boston Red Sox, in their limited wisdom, opted to throw balls within his prodigious arms' length all weekend and paid dearly. Last night the pinstriped slugger blasted two homers, including the go-ahead homer in the eighth. He drove in five as the sweep was realized.All told Judge smacked four longballs and brought home eight in three games. All he's done over the past five is homer in each and collect 13 RBI. He leads all of baseball in dingers, steaks, slugging percentage, and is second in OPS. The latter two categories check in at a comical .903 and 1.275. This is the part where a level-headed …
data-mm-id=”_fbs0b8r8h”>Eagle-eyed officers from the Utah Department of Public Safety spotted a mysterious metal monolith while peeping sheep two weeks ago. It was a whole big thing because an unexplained object like this showing up without explanation in the Red Rocks is something out of several Steven Spielberg films mashed together. No one knows what it is or how it got there. Just that we should care because it obviously meant … well … something. Then it vanished as surreptitiously as it arrived. Only for a similar object to be discovered on a vista in the Romanian city of Piatra Neamt, leading local leaders to crack wise. “Andrei Carabelea, mayor of Piatra Neamt, appears to be taking the news in stride.
“There is no reason to panic for those who think there is still life in t…
data-mm-id=”_xope2cmuq”>The Baltimore Orioles beat the Texas Rangers, 3-2, on Sunday afternoon in front of a half-capacity crowd at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Felix Bautista clinched the win for the home team with perfect 9th inning, striking out all three batters he faced. Another performance worth celebrating from the game is that of home plate umpire Mark Carlson, who nearly called a perfect game, missing just one call out of 123 taken pitches during the game.Umpire: Mark CarlsonFinal: Rangers 2, Orioles 3#StraightUpTX // #Birdland#TEXvsBAL // #BALvsTEXMore stats for this game 👇https://t.co/Gh7hP50vAt pic.twitter.com/Ottn7ZOn6A— Umpire Scorecards (@UmpScorecards) May 29, 2023We love a good bad umpire video around here, but Carlson deserves commendation for his keen…